If you’re looking for a special way to spend your next anniversary with your spouse, a great activity to try is asking each other questions, especially when you’re waiting for your food to arrive!
Why ask questions? Because they can unlock new conversations as well as emotional and physical connections.
Most couples celebrate anniversaries differently: some go out for dinner, some lighten their spouse’s load by doing chores around the house, others surprise their loved one with a spa treatment, while some couples don’t do anything at all.
However you decide to spend the day, I hope it’s a memorable experience and that you’ll have time to reflect on your relationship.
Why I created this list of questions
My parents divorced when I was young, and as a result, I was determined for my marriage to thrive.
Like many people, there are times when I can’t come up with anything to say to my spouse. We spend 24/7 together, yet I often don’t know what to talk to him about besides work, movies, and old travel memories.
Asking questions began when David while we were dating. We’ve added more over the years, even expanding into other areas.
These questions have created an openness in our relationship and marriage. Every few months, we ask each other these questions as a way to check-in and make sure we’re heading in the right direction.
I wanted to make this list of questions available for everyone to help other couples grow closer together. When your love life is in a good place, the other areas of your life work better. When your marriage is in a rocky place, however, it negatively affects all the other areas of your life.
I love these questions because they have allowed me to connect emotionally with my partner. I hope that they do the same for you.
How to use these questions
Use these questions as a gateway to ask even more questions. Take time on each one to dive deeper into yourself and your relationship. Leave enough room for the conversation to flow freely.
Some questions might be a little touchy or potentially lead to an argument; that is not my goal. If both partners provide a space to listen with open ears and hearts without criticizing one another or making snarky comments, I believe that these questions can strengthen the relationship.
50 Deep questions to ask your spouse on your anniversary
1. How do you feel about our marriage? Scale it from 1-10.
2. What do you remember about last year’s anniversary?
3. How did it strengthen our marriage?
4. Is there anything you miss from when we were dating that we can do now?
5. What have you enjoyed in the last year?
6. What accomplishment were you most proud of recently?
7. What are your regrets or disappointments in the past year?
8. What challenged you lately?
9. What would you change about this past year?
10. Is there anything I do that has annoyed you lately? Why?
11. Is there anything you’d like to do more of together?
12. Are you happy?
13. What couple do you admire most?
14. What qualities about that couple do you admire?
15. What qualities do you appreciate in me?
16. What can we do to spice up our marriage?
17. I feel more in love with you when…
18. What is the biggest strain in our relationship?
19. Is there anything I can change?
20. What can I do to make our relationship better?
21. Let’s dream together. How do you envision our marriage in 5-10 years?
22. What can we do this year to get us closer to that dream?
23. What memories would you like to create this year?
24. How can we improve spiritually and/or financially?
25. If you could go back in time to fix something that happened this past year, what would it be?
26. What has been lighting you up lately?
27. What has been the greatest joy you’ve had?
28. What has kept you in our marriage? What do you like about it?
29. What feature do you think I like most about you?
30. What do you find sexiest about me?
31. Is there anything we can improve in our sex life?
32. Do you have any fantasies you’d like fulfilled?
33. What do you wish I would do more of?
34. What is your favorite thing I wear?
35. If we could travel anywhere, where would you like to go?
36. What is one thing you’d change about or add to our home?
37. Is there anything I own that doesn’t bring you joy or that I should get rid of?
38. The last thing I thought about you was…
39. The happiest memories we’ve had was when…
40. Your favorite date together was…
41. What is your dream date?
42. What are you most excited about at this point in our lives?
43. Are you satisfied with the quality of our marriage?
44. How much time would you like to spend together?
45. Are you getting enough quality time to spend with your friends, your hobbies or things that matter to you?
46. How can we strengthen our marriage even more?
47. Is there anything I can do to make you feel more loved?
48. What is the best part about being together?
49. How can I create a safe space for us to be more open with each other?
50. Is there anything we haven’t discussed that we need to talk about?
Marriage is an ongoing learning process with your partner. Once you get married, it doesn’t mean that you’re done pursuing your partner. On the contrary, you have to remain a student and study your partner. People evolve, and so do marriages.
Keep your marriage alive, whether you need to ask questions, check-in quarterly, or go on dates. Decide together what works best for your relationship.
I hope that your anniversary becomes a reminder of the beautiful memories you’ve made and will make in the future.
I’m rooting for both of you!